I check then double nothing yet
I always want things instantaneous
I think that’s why it never comes
It’s easy to say if it’s meant to be it will be
But only when it is not you that has to wait and see
When it doesn’t haunt your dreams
While I personally over analyze everything
It’s a delicate balance
Between letting it play out and putting in an effort
Showing that you’re trying or coming off desperate
How silly is that though?
You should have a desperation for everything except this one thing
This delicacy everybody seems to need and crave and suppose to give unconditionally
One does not simply receive nor keep
You can overwork for it and under
Yet its suppose to come effortlessly
the whole thing never seems to workout for me I’ve been on both sides of the pendulum
And oh does it swing
The way I end up feeling at the end is more like a guillotine
But what can you do?
It’s not like I’m gonna stop trying.
So why complain.
I’m just making an observation.
My favorite memories seem to always come with some unlikely timing.
And that’s exciting.
The highs of it all makes it worth all of lows
I’m chasing a feeling I’ve had before
In the same direction I’ve run before
You never know though
Why would it be different?
When the only change you have to show them is you?
But was it only you?
It always takes two
How long?
But does that matter?
Not really
What are you gonna do in the meantime?
Keep self improving.
What if it doesn’t happen?
What if it does?
I use to pray for things I wanted.
Now I just pray for knowledge.
It’s crazy how you go from wanting super strength to being able to know the future.
Everything is so uncertain so you worry about putting time into the wrongs things. You’re suppose to go after what you want. But what if you’re chase the wrong things. I guess that’s why you pray because I’m not sure about my gut. But I want what I want I can’t really help that.
Im chasing a feeling I’ve had before
in a direction I’ve been before
With some help I wasn’t using before
and some effort I wasn’t giving before
And that’s all I can do.
poems 